Perous Secret Diary - Keep Out: August 30, 2007

granny hotel

a sleep less night in newquay

ok, so i didn't book this hotel that me and frances are staying in...but it's SPECIAL.
as in special needs.

arrived late to find the 'hotel' in a full variety 'pheonix nights' occassion in the 'lounge'.
quickly retired exhausted to bed, trying not to pay too much attention to the colour scheme.

was woken up at 2.30am by the seaside slapper next door enjoying a one night stand.
the walls were so thin, they might as well have been in the same room as me.
heard every horrifying word.
'oh yeah baby, you like that do ya? yeah you like that' you want it like that do ya?'

thinking that it could last too long, i didn't feel the need to comment.
but it did drag on.
she was clearly finding it hard (or not) to maintain enthusiasm.

finally, the eastern european sounding girl said, 'thanks for that'
and the 'geezer' said, 'no, thank you' before they both left and i could go back to sleep.

at 3.30am slapper and her girlfriend returned both pissed out of their heads, shouting about slapper's earlier conquest.
'well, he seemed like a nice guy and he had such a big cock which i felt rubbing up against me when i was dancing with him: we was going commando: no pants'
their conversation continued...with me burying my head under pillows occasionally coming up for air to catch things like 'i think i did quite a good job of keeping it all in my mouth'

'SHUTUP' i shouted.
to stunned silence from next door, which lasted a whole minute.
they must have thought they had imagined me (as i wish i had them) so they carried on: SHOUTING SHOUTING.

'PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP' i try once more, as i'm getting dressed ready to knock on their door and explain how some people don't care to hear about their exploits and need to sleep before work...

and thankfully silence again, for the rest of the night.
being up at 7am this morning, i have made sure to watch the morning news as loudly as possible and to be uncharacteristically clumsy, knocking into things...even opening doors and drawers unnecessarily.

newquay is freezing cold this morning and the sun is not shining.
but thankfully the flashing neon signs outisde nightclubs and bars are closed/switched off and the slappers are all still in bed.
just sharing breakfast with some bidders.

i will continue this long day's entry later this evening.
it's only just begun...

WED

frances' quote of the day (at the breakfast table surrounded by cheerful OAP's) and said in a venomous tone: 'i HATE old people'.

in fairness, she hates a lot in life: hard to please, easy to piss off.