Perous Secret Diary - Keep Out: August 07, 2012

HEADROOM 6 6

DTT swinging past the new-perou-factory-to-MIGHT-be to check my higher security has held up against any would-be squatters.

meet über-stylist, fashion director ms.andie redman for lunch and ketchup.

i am sat opposite kevin rowland of 'dexy's midnight runners'
he is not wearing a skirt, corset and heels but he IS wearing correspondent shoes just like me.
(his are brown and white. mine are black and white...his are more correct for the summer months)

also here for lunch is the actress/author fay ripley.

i HATE to approach people and say 'hiiiiiii' when i don't already know them.

fay and her family might not be expecting what i am about to say, as i approach: a 6ft 3" skinhead with tattoos, a fistful of rings, chains, mirrored shades and wearing a "DEATH SQUAD: KILLED by SPEED" tshirt

but on my way out after lunch i make a little detour to say 'i'm sorry to interrupt you..i just HAD to say how much i LOVE your cookbook and my children are now eating food i never thought they would. it's great. so THANKYOU'

it seems the entrire serbian olympic team is downstairs too.
maybe they are having a day off the olympics?

song to the soreen

relocate to holborn studios for a shoot shoot with tulisa

i feel bad afterwards that i haven't done as much 'background' reading on my sitter.
i'd skimmed wikipedia but hadn't done the gossip column checks one should always do...

i do not know she is a judge on x-factor
i do not know she has had a number 1 hit single
i do not know her ex-boyfriend recently posted a sex tape of her online
i do not know her best friend recently died.

i ask tulisa if she's happy in life and infer that maybe she doesn't look so happy.
not the most sensible of inquiries in retrospect.

regardless, tulisa is charming and gives good poker face.
i would like to photograph her again another time.

it's funny: i'm sure there are so many young girls that want to be as famous and successful as tulisa.
the reality of being in her position has got to be so different from what was advertised.

steve and sarah

to the royal festival hall to meet sarah and steve, james and carl in the skylon bar for a swift drink before seeing elizabeth fraser perform for the first time in 20yrs (not inc. her performance here last night).

skylon is not just full of theatre-goers. it seems full of poshe people.
i upset a poshe lady asking if i can sit on the stool she is using to rest her handbag.

james and carl

needless to say, we are all VERY excited to see elizabeth's show.

i am sitting on my own due to a late ticket purchase.
but i'm three rows from the stage

we all make the mistake of sitting through 30 minutes of support act: four people doing acapella, harmonised, medieval chanting.
all songs sound exactly the same.
unexpectedly, it makes me want to punch someone: almost certainly not what this music was designed for.

elizabeth arrives on stage: a demure, grey haired lady with the voice of an angel.
during the second song: a reworking of a cocteau twins track, i feel tears on my face and i'm glad i'm sitting on my own.
i have crazy tingles over my spine.

but then...

behind elizabeth i notice the bald keyboard player who looks like richard o' brien in the crystal maze, wearing a sparkly, tinsel, double-width, pointed shoulder-padded outfit, postulating between two stacks of keyboards like a prog-rock nightmare.
he is more than a little distracting.
and begins the downfall of my evening's entertainment.

the audience are annoying.
in between songs, old men shout out 'we love you liz'. 'marry me' and 'where have you been?'

there is a lesbian couple in front of me who try to dance though seated through all the cocteau twins songs.
one of these women also keeps trying to take photos of elizabeth on an iphone and keeps getting told by the ushers 'NO PHOTOS'

i am no longer able to enjoy the performance when a girl arrives four songs before the end of the show to take her empty seat next to mine.

she is wearing an overpowering fragrance that smells like a combination of mountain pine fresh toilet duck and lemon fresh toilet duck.
i don't know if she bathed in it pre-show or if she's been drinking it, but i am unable think about anything else now.

i am concerned my nasal passages will be permanently damaged by sitting next to this person.

there are two standing ovations.
i sit through the first one
i stand through the second so that i am able to leave swiflty.

for the second encore elizabeth does a version of one of my favourite songs: 'song to the siren' which she did with 'this mortal coil' (a tim buckley cover)
and it is not so good.
i leave the royal festival hall a little disappointed.

sarah texts from the train station.
she'd left with steve before the first encore "...the memories were better"

RTF listening to loud cocteau twins and this mortal coil.