Perous Secret Diary - Keep Out

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mr bunny wasn't allowed upstairs at our house.

he slept, spilling out of an oversized basket by the fireplace in our kitchen-diner

now everyday i come downstairs and look over to where his basket used to be, expecting him to be there

and he isn't.

muscle memory

when we were compulsorily purchased (eminent domained, for our american friends)

i spent years dreaming that we still lived in the perou factory in hackney wick

memories are strange

my dreams get mixed up with memories: what is real and what is dreamt is unclear.

I don’t remember the detail of living at the perou factory anymore.

I don’t remember the details of Stratford, our Staffie, who died in 2014 or Ludwig von t-bone, our frienchie who died in 2017

Just some facts.

this morning I ALMOST had another panic attack in a supermarket

it's been 20ish years since my last (in panic-attack Asda in Leyton)

so hardly a regular occurence

in Morrissons this morning, when I went to pick up my daily loaf of still-warm, doughy-soft, white bread, they were playing a pop song over and over with the refrain 'I like shopping'

I tried to Shazam it but it couldn't pick it up over the sound of old people shuffling about

I've never heard this song before and can't find it online

it was apocalyptic and horrifying.

a worst soundtrack to shopping imaginable.

an almost malicious choice of song to play from some malevolent dj on supermarket FM

the panic attack I had long before was caused by the theme tune to 'watership down' playing down the tinned vegetable aisle.

'bright eyes burning like fire'

as people fought over a big pile of discounted denim jeans.

I decided it was such a beautiful sunny day today, I could take out perou-bike for a spin without definitely binning it on ever-damp roads.

it was GREAT to be out, at (legal) speed.

although I was conscious i was wearing a mr.bump t-shirt which seemed inappropriate

and would have ironic had I been met by emergency services

I was warm enough except wearing an open-faced helmet, left me immediately (and for some time after) feel like i had dunked my head in a bowl of icy water

Perous Secret Diary - Keep Out: January 30, 2022