at times...
there be tings going on behind the scenes that i am not at liberty to discuss here.
but subsequently i am doing more thinking in the night than sleeping in the night.
i struggle with change: i am a man of habit.
when an ex-girlfriend ditched me many years ago, she was throwing my possessions out of a window onto the streets of kings cross.
in my 'betty blue' director's edition vhs box-set, she had drawn a picture of me with a poo on my head and a speech bubble that said 'i fear change'
i still have this treasure.
despite no longer having a vhs player.
...i wish i had a dogs life
i am a fatalist.
i was trying to explain this to 7yr old z today.
i believe we can make choices and choose certain paths, but that our lives are already mapped out: we will hit certain key moments however we chose to get there.
even in the most simplistic way: we know the beginning and the end.
we are born and then we'll die: these are inescapable facts.
but i also believe in destiny which effects other aspects of my life.
this doesn't mean i believe i can sit back and wait for the things that are destined to happen to me, to do so.
i have to be active in the process.
BUT occasionally when i'm really trying every way to make something happen and it doesn't: i just keep hitting brick walls, i think 'this isn't meant to be'
some might see this as a bit of an excuse.
i DO find it reassuring and comforting to know that 'what will be will be'
then sometimes out of nowhere something great happens that i wasn't expecting or trying to do.
perouvian philosophy.
would be much easier being a DAWG
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