Perous Secret Diary - Keep Out: September 18, 2012

mr bunny wins his scare off skank badge

i can hear mr.bunny's deep bark from my office and he's not giving up.

our electric gates are set back from the road.

i am just able to see over the spikey bits to the heads of two mutants: clearly not from these parts.

they're not gypsies (our usual adversaries) they're dogdy skank with shifty eyes and dirty jeans.

cesare lombroso might have had something.
there is NO way these two hoods could be anything but ineffective criminals.

'scuse me mate...can you do me a favour?'

'that would depend what the favour is' , i say ungraciously, over the constant barking.

'i was teaching my mate to drive across the fields there and we got stuck in a dyke. have you got something we could pull the car out with?' says the skank with his shifty eyes on the perou-mobile.

'no' i say

there are protestations from the other mutant but i am unable to make sense of what he is saying.
i am not surprised his is unintelligible
i am however surprised by how far apart his eyes are.

if you are a criminal mind trying to conceal your low intelligence you should try and dress less like a skank and maybe choose a part of the country to misbehave in, where everyone in the area doesn't have guard dogs and shotguns.

'you'd need to find a farmer, with a tractor' i just about offer

'do ya know where we can find one?' says the pondlife

'no' i lie and walk away to congratulate mr.bunny and award him a medal.

at this point i'm not sure if there is a car in a dyke or if it was some kind of ruse to enter the farm.

regardless i call our neighbour paul (the farmer) and tell him about the skank in the area and that there MIGHT be a car in his dyke

a little while later i hear a car turning in our drive and go out to find a very unusual (for the area) police car.
i tell the policeman about the skank.
i describe them in detail and include helpful descriptive words like 'skank' and 'pondlife' and 'mutants'

we notice a car in the general direction of where the skank said he's got his car stuck and the policeman says it's a police car and that they've stopped a lorry full of illegal immigrants there.

coincidentally.

i head off to canterbury to buy work lights for the work party tomorrow.

while i'm buying some wheat, spelt and rye bread (mmmmm) paul the farmer calls to say the two mutants i turned away have been arrested and there's a third with a head injury currently trying to evade a police helicopter by running into a corn field.

annoyed to miss target practice.

return home to find all the fun is over: the helicopter is gone and the hamlet is once again free of pondlife except for the usual life to be found in our ponds.

i'm not sure now if the mutants were trying to gain access to the farm, to hide
or if they were on the rob
or had other half-baked plans.


it is my second night of PADI open water training in a swimming pool in margate.

i am LOVING scuba diving.
kicking myself for not starting years ago (like i kick myself for only learning to ski three years ago)

almost drown myself sprint swimming 200m.
there was a time (25yrs ago) i could do that twice