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i think i have a rare talent for being able to drag myself down into the spiral.

i didn't sleep so good last night.
a job offer's come back which would see me away from family and farm for three months next year.

i've spent a month away from my loved ones before (when i did 'a picture of africa' for the BBC)...but three might be stretching it some.

mrs.perou says 'go: i'll cope'
but the idea of it, in principal, is making me (very) sad.
i feel heartbroken and i haven't even gone...the job might not even confirm: i know i'm being ridiculous.

mrs.perou keeps saying, 'it's all GOOD!'

it's not funny that you (i) can get so worried about being offered work.
i know i haven't got good reason to be down.
i apologise.
smaller things have troubled me more.

every word uttered by z at the moment makes me swoon.
children grow up so fast: i don't want to miss more than i already do.

at a low point today i start listening to 'song to the siren' which didn't help.
then i caught the randy pausch lecture online which finished it.

when it got dark this afternoon, i took maximum and z on a 'special mission' to see (and photograph) local houses smothered in christmas lights.
maximum has natural talent for taking photos.
it's in his blood, obviously.

when i photograph him sometimes these days he has a habit of over-posing and pulling faces.
i often say to him 'just relax: don't pull any faces: don't worry about posing'.

the other day he wanted to take a picture of me (on his fischer price camera).
'stand there', he said, 'that's it...now just relax perou: stop posing'.
i couldn't stop smiling.