Perous Secret Diary - Keep Out: July 20, 2008

built the turkey shed with mrs.perou as we're now T-3 (weeks) before the arrival of the strange ones.
more fencing to follow.

mrs.perou and sons DTT for haircuts by lord hamilton.

i played home alone.

trimmed many (more) bushes and hedges.

retouched 'peth'.

flowers of sulphur
when mrs.perou and sons returned to farm, i 'tagged' and DTT

met gem and heather at shoreditch house for dinner.

before heading to the vibe bar on brick lane to see abrar's fantastic new, heavy psychedelic band 'the flowers of sulphur'

it was at this point that i realised that gem's panasonic snappy was far superior to my canon ixus and that an upgrade was due.

the band went on late due to a late sound engineer.

left late after red bull and coke.

fuck the police pt.2

i was on the M2 and noticed the police car pull out behind me.
i was doing 70 in a 70mph limit.

when the roadworks started and the limit dropped to 50mph, so did i.
i was wondering why the policecar was driving so far up my ass if i'd braked it would have gone into me.

and then came the blue lights and tug.

i pulled up and got out, saying to the fat, ugly beast of a traffic WPC.
'good evening officer, how can i assist you?'

'why did you get out of the left side of the car?'

'this is an american car and that's the side the steering wheel is on'

'is this your car, registered to you?'

"yes officer'

'what's wrong with your number plate?'

'nothing as far as i know...my registration is P3ROU and this is the correct plate with the correct font, without any attempt to alter the numbers or letters with spacing or black screws'

'the letters are (2 cms) too small in height. therefore it is illegal'

follows some heavy sighs as i think to myself 'god you need a diet, then a shag (not from me) and is this really a good use of either of our time or what you signed up for? pedantic, pathetic swine.

'look, if you're going to give me attitude, i'll write you a ticket right now'

'i promise you officer, i'm not giving you attitude...i'm just sad because i've had these plates for about 7 years now and i've never been stopped before and they fit in the space that american car plates fit and i'm not trying to make out it's a registration other than what it is...'

'i'm trying to do you a favour: give you some friendly advice: get bigger plates or next time i see you i'll write you a ticket, you'll go to court and DVLA will remove your personalised plates'

thinks to myself 'yes: that really IS friendly advice and you would be doing me a favour'

'so be a good lad and get it sorted. goodnight'

'good lad? goodbye: fuck off'