Perous Secret Diary - Keep Out: April 13, 2006

incredible z

separated at birth #2.

well...
after a tearful evening last night and much more 'no sleeping till morning', we decided to sack the pub we've already paid a deposit on.
this constant changing of my mind is/isn't (?) in character and is probably symptomatic of being fracked over and head fracked by the rug being pulled out under our feet.
having worked so hard to get ourselves set up right here and now being forced out...note to self (and anyone else): the unexpected curve ball's just around the corner: be prepared.

i've been SO confused and messed up, worse than any drugs could have made me.
i feel most sorry for mrs.perou who's been at the mercy of my constantly changing, absolutely certain opinion:
'we'll fight the CPO'
'ok'
'we'll move but i need to stay in london and keep my studio'
'ok'
'we're moving out of london'
'ok'
'i need to stay in london: we'll buy the pub'
'ok'
'we moving out of london'
'oh. no....'
etc...x30
(the conversations and dramas were obviously many times more complicated than this summary).

we ARE moving the bolt hole to an undecided/ undisclosed, southern, rural location.
i WILL be buying an nasty VWR32 and WILL be commuting in on a regular basis.
i MIGHT buy a stop over hideout in town too?
depends how much ca$h we blow on the house in the country.

i have at least confirmed in my mind that my two most important priorities in life are my loved ones' personal safety and trying to provide the best start in life for my children.
my desire to live in london was selfish.
i realise now, i would happily drive 5 hours a day or more to be back with my family if it means they will be living in a safer, happier place.

i drove past the pub on the way back from the shoots yesterday.
as lovely as the pub was i know we'd all be prisoners inside it.
i wouldn't even be comfortable with the kids nipping 5 doors down to the local newsagents.
and the state school that maximum would be going to was academically below the national average, despite being a lovely school.
me and mrs.perou aren't into private schools or can't afford private schools.
so we're off.
i wish for my children to have long, happy, innocent childhoods as i did.
there's plenty of time to grow up: once you're not a kid anymore, you never will be again.

had some hard calls to make to everone concerned with the properties: the agent dealing with the pub, the mortgage adviser i just took on.
and embarrassing calls to our solicitor, planning consultant and compensation surveyor.
we must seems nuts.
i suggested me and mrs.perou sectioned each other as a romantic gesture.

so, we're still lookinig for a home...

TODAY: i photographed dom, matt and chris from MUSE at big sky studios.
started at 10am finished at 4pm.
georgina did da make-up and namalee did the syling.
frances was assisting as usual.
i love a lovely lady crew: makes working so much more enjoyable.

tomorrow, we're all off to milano very early...for day 2 of the MUSE campaign saturday, in milano and lake como.
so happy easter innit: we'll all be working away from home.