had a fairly straight forward day:
drove to town to photograph 'the killers'.
they were, like the last time i photographed them, tired and complaining about being ill.
in almost all of the shots at least two (but sometimes three) of them were yawning.
i was trying to get a shot of all four of them yawning but it just didn't happen.
they remembered frances in her provocatively undone flight-suit (from our last shoot in boston) much better than they remembered me.
shot on the roof of 'big sky' and caught some 'big sky'.
on my way to the shoot, another magazine asked me if i'd shoot 'adam ant' for them tomorrow.
of course i said 'YES PLEASE!' (i was/am a huge 'fan' and never say 'no' to photographing my heroes).
trouble is, i hadn't planned to stay at the factory overnight but there was little point driving home to the farm and coming back again in the morning.
so i made the (big) mistake of staying over...
major panic attack #7
the nearly full moon didn't help.
i haven't had many 'proper' panic attacks in life.
but going back to the factory and staying a night totally flipped me out: i was having trouble breathing and i was shaking.
it was like being in the film 'dark city' but worse: a very unpleasant nightmare.
being at the factory, all the memories of people and times gone by there came flooding back in hyper-reality.
only they weren't there: it was all empty.
it was like i'd imagined my life: that i didn't really have a wife and children and 'things'.
i felt like i was home: it felt like i never moved to the farm, but the way i remembered it wasn't real: that the empty place WAS the reality: i'd imagined the rest.
it was frightening to be honest.
i walked into our bedroom expecting to see my bed and the neon 'love' sign above it, and mrs.perou asleep...but it was just empty: there wasn't even a bare lightbulb there just a cable.
i even found a bricked up window that i never knew was there.
photographing it helped.
hello hideous hell hole
i used to love coming home to the factory: it was my sanctuary: cosy and safe.
now it seems like a horror house and could be a setting for 'silence of the lambs' or something.
the perou factory has been abandoned and all the love has gone...
drove to asda and brought some bedding and socks/pants and toiletries.
then went to see a late film at greenich filmworks: 'crank' which was crud but it got me out the factory for a while.
and ate pizza hut alone.
another mistake...
next time i'll be better prepared.
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